The 5 year odyssey of adoption that my wife and I embarked on so long ago is finally coming to an end in just a few days. How can I put into words this quest of this great adventure and makes some sort of rational sense that my mind can somehow wrap itself around.

They say ignorance is bliss and from my point of view, it all depends on if you are at the beginning of the adoption process or the end.  If I would have known then what I know now…… Boy, that statement really comes into focus and I know now what that truly means.  Unless you’ve been through the process my tongue does not have the vocabulary to articulate what my mind and heart feels.

In our adoption  blog post I wrote almost 2 and a half years ago I stole some lines from a movie that still has the same impact now as it did them.  Below are those words that were the driving force that drove us to continue this quest when one has been beaten down countless time and the heart and the mind couldn’t take any more.

“Sheri and I have been beaten down countless times, had to smash numerous piggy banks and have shed an ocean of tears. We’ve been excited and counted our days and have had the rug beneath our feet pulled away. We have put our life on hold and lived for the day. So why do we continue on a quest that seems untouchable and is represented only by a distant fading star in the nights sky.

My answer lies in two words stolen from a film. "What" and "If"!  "What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? I don't know how our story ended but if Sheri and I don’t give our hearts and complete this quest to bring home our daughter than “What If”, will haunt us for all our days.

Now, I sit here, 5 years since we decided to adopt, some forty thousand feet above the Atlantic Ocean traveling back to Latvia for the sixth and final time trying to express in words what this all means. But how can I? How does one express every-single emotion we have gone through, every decision that needed to be made, every obstacle that was placed in front of us. How do you quantify this odyssey called adoption.  Then in my minds eyes I see those beautiful eyes of my two young girls and it brings tears to my eyes.  I look down at my littlest girl, Natalija, asleep beside me all cured up and looking so innocent and peaceful as her tiny body is crammed into the airplanes seats.

As I look down on her and gently stroke her hair I realize that…. because of the quest I have a bond with my two girls that I simple can not put into words, nor would I want to. Love does not have a price whether that be financial, physical or emotional.  But I keep trying to rationalize all this and then I had a realization. I now have my own family. A family I would do anything for. Wow, that’s it! I HAVE MY OWN FAMILY!

So ignorance is bliss.  If you would have told me that 5 years ago to simply have ignorance at the beginning of this adoption process, I would have thought you were nuts. It was so frustrating not having the answers to all my questions and at times it got me upset. Now, I realize that one must have ignorance at the beginning to prevent you from giving up. Because if you knew everything my rational mind would have said to “stop”. But that is where the mistake can be made. There is a major part of the equation missing that you can not phantom until you have gone through the process.  Even words can not describe it as they are elusive till they make themselves known. Even then, they are so non-discrete that you don’t realize, at that moment, the significant’s of it.  It can best be described as individual thread of the tapestry of life. By themselves they are meaningless but when woven together they make the most beautiful, cherished tapestry we call life.

This chapter of my book is closing, but a new chapter begins.  I now have the answers to “what if”. I know I will never be haunted by those words when it comes to my two girls and their adoptions. I know Sheri and I have changed the lives of two precious young girls forever and in turn, they have changed ours.  I think back at the broken down farm house that these girls came from and where they are now. These girls finally have a family that will love them forever. My eyes tear up when I realized that they finally have a Mommy and Daddy that will love them forever. They are home!

As I re-read my writings, I realize I can’t summarize this process. There are to many facets that this story that can not come into focus without knowing the details.  How do you put into words when my little girl looks at me and gives me a smile.  You can’t. You can describe the actions but not the feelings and therefore you only get 50% of the story. How do you put into words that 6^th sense I had when walking to the building, when we would first meet Sanija and knowing she was watching us or that first photo I received and saw those beautiful eyes of Sanija that took my breath away and spoke to me. How can I forget when the two girls ran towards one another in that Latvian Park and embraced each other for 20 minutes when they thought they would never see each other again. How can I paint such a picture and try to describe the colors. You can’t! You try it. Explain to me the color purple.

Therefore, I will say “so-long”. My words, my chapter, my story has come to an end. I have learned what the word, “Brave” means and next to it are my daughters. You have been through so much, more than any child should have to in life. Yet, you are so incredible strong and sweet. You are an inspiration tome and the people who know you.

My final thoughts I will keep to myself. But before I go I want to say something to Sanija and Natalija

I love you more than words can describe. Whatever “trials” that you may have had in life it was those experiences and events that have brought you to us and has made you the person you are today. It is up to you to decide what to do with your new life. Mommy and I have given you all the tools and inspiration to be a success in whatever you decide to do.  You are in control of your own destiny.  From the moment you were born, that first breath you took, your destiny was to become our daughters. Use those experiences to become the strongest, gentlest and kindness person you can be.  You have brought so much happiness to my life it is immeasurable by any standards. Always keep in your heart the love I have for you and let it be your guiding light in your life to come.   I love you!